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I have been thinking a lot lately, about a number of things. One: Frustrations, and how we let them go until all of a sudden we see that they have simply raged out of control. And then there is nothing we can do about them but let them rage. Two: Ice melting. I have always enjoyed that image, water dripping, ice melting...And then it hit me this afternoon - those two things have more in common than simply crossing my brain in the same hour.

Think about this: Water, ice, drips from a roof or a branch or an overpass. As it drips, all of those little bits of water are frustrations and anger that we let dwell in out minds or in our hearts and do not acknowledge. But eventually, the weather turns cold, and all that water that has dripped down freezes solid. Then, some unsuspecting poor fool comes along and steps just right and finds themselves flat on their back with a severe lack of oxygen in their chest. And what can they do but wait until they can breath again. No way to force air back into their chest, no way to speed it up, just wait. That is sorta the way that I see frustrations like this affecting myself and those closest and dearest to me. Someone will come along at just the wrong moment, and slip onto my frustrations like a patch of black ice. And before they can grab hold of something to steady them, the full brunt of all those pent up angers and frustrations land them on their back, barely able to understand how they got there.

I am not excusing my lack of enthusiasm lately or my apparent disinterest in the goings on around me. I am not justifying my personality flaws. I just am marveling at the similarity between such a seemingly beautiful image and a potential broken hip.

A lot has happened over the past few weeks. One month ago, I had a really severe scare in my dorm room at UDSM. As a result, my program pulled me out, and brought me back to the states. Today, I am back at Luther College, struggling to find my place among the people I know and love, but who can't understand the context from which I have so recently returned. On the other side of the world, the girls that I love so much are still in Tanzania, struggling to know their place on a University campus that used to be so bustling with life, overflowing with loud, cheerful students. Now, due to the riots of last week, those students have all be evicted, and all that is left are foriegn students. I can't imagine the alien feeling that the now silent campus must have for the amazing men and women that I got to know this fall. And now I hear that Mandi, a student at the U in MN, she has been pulled from her program as well - someone so brave as to commit herself for a whole academic year in Tanzania is now back in the states, readjusting and reaclimating herself to life in the states.

Things are overwhelming here. I feel torn everytime I start enjoying myself here in the states because I feel like I should be back with Sara and Siri and Liz and the Eriks and the beautiful Canadian girls.....I feel frustrated everytime I pass someone on the sidewalk and call out, 'Hello' when what wants to naturally come out of my mouth is 'Mambo!' "Habari za asubuhi?' and 'Hamjambo!' Not only is the weather rather fridged in comparison to the gorgeous heat of Dar, but the people are colder too. Smiles and greetings were as natural as breathing at UDSM - and I know Luther is considered a friendly campus, but something still feels lacking.

I don't know what else to express. I pray for the LCCT group, that they have these last four weeks be filled with joy and deep experiences.